Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
BRING THE BAGELS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
