HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
