just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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