if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
