I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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