He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
