Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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