I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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