Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
