I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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