he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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