so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
