The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
