hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
