it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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