if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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