I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come share oat with me in your robe
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need water and some morals
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
