I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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