Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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