Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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