I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize