conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
