apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
