I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
