Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
