i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if only i could text you this smell
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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