I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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