how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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