Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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