This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
