why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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