U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
