hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
