New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
