Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
