FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
