you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
