like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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