So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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