Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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