I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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