I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
