We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
