i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
