Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize