Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
