Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're a waste of cheezeits
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
