You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
