M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
