It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
