Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
