I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
