so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
