I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
3pm strippers are depressing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize