I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
