I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Me too!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
