I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
