I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
