pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
