shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
