your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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