No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
