look no pants
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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