i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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