There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize