just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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