He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
