Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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