return my video game
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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