it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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