i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
