Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
