I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Your dad touched me again.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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